false front

Pimp MY Bike

2010-11-29T11:53:00.007-05:00

It's been a while and I've come to realize that this blogging thing isn't for everyone. My internet laziness has reached its peak and I've nearly forgotten that I'd ever tried to keep this thing updated in the past. It started strong and now it's lost with all of the other millions of lazy blogs. That being said, here's a look at my new and totally awesome bike rack, available through Rivendell Bikes. For those of you whose forks do not have eyelets for mounting front end racks, this particular one comes with the hardware to mount it on your front wheel's skewer. It's great for hauling flowers home from the market for your holiday tablescapes. HA!

In addition, I highly recommend purchasing one of L.L. Bean's custom tote bag s for daily use in the rack. The extra-large is a perfect fit and with all of the color combination possibilities, you can tailor a sturdy bag to match any bike.

TACO TACO

2010-04-09T10:17:00.005-04:00

The latest look for this spring: a TACO. Eveyone's got their hands on a sporty one, a sexy one, and there's even a taco for those more casual folks. Colorful and exciting, a taco looks great on anyone. Get yours today!

The L.O.S.T.

2010-04-02T14:29:00.004-04:00

The Lake Okeechobee Scenic Trail is a path spanning the entire 110 mile circumference of the lake that sits atop the its Herbert Hoover dike. Paved in some areas, and gravel in most others, the trail doesn't offer much scenery. The view mostly consists of endless horizon; a vast lake that appears infinite, spotted with occasional trees and radio towers. Although the lake is abundant with wildlife, we weren't fortunate enough to see any gators or snakes - mostly just birds. On and off of the trail, we spent a majority of the ride on major highways paralleling the dike, with some of the most visually appealing landscapes that Florida has to offer; my favorite of which were the countless cattle farms with rolling fields spotted with rock outcroppings, trees and bushes, littered with healthy steer. Not much can be said of the local cuisine, other than I'm happy to be back to my beloved and familiar Philadelphia.

BIKE!

2010-03-24T17:25:00.005-04:00

Finally was able to find the Veloflex Pave tires that I've been looking for. Combining the beauty and class of an old gumwall with the versatility of a contemporary puncture-resistant road tire (lined with Kevlar), these rubbers are a must have for any stylish rider. Really, check out World Class Cycles on Long Island for all of your quality wheeling needs. Anyhow, now that I've got the look, I'm riding the old commuter again. Took a long hiatus because the original rear Continental sidewall split and I couldn't find a suitable replacement. The bike is my pride and joy, with custom fenders fresh out of the shop thanks to a one Mr. Vince Colvin. A work-in-progress, the old beat up frame could use some freshening up, I know. To be continued...

(photos courtesy the author)

THINGS WE'VE MADE SINCE SEPTEMBER

2010-01-25T15:42:00.007-05:00

GOTHIC 'ASTLE

2009-11-30T12:49:00.005-05:00

There's a pretty architecturally stunning building that towers over the streets, just to the north of the Comcast Center. The shadows are somewhat harrowing.

ROOMMATES

2009-11-13T10:46:00.007-05:00

Please note: some names have been changed for the sake of anonymity.

It was time to say goodbye to Luze; one last hoorah before he'd finally acted on the fatal mistake of moving back in with an ex-fiance. I mean, who lives with her, breaks up with her, lives apart from her, and then finally decides to move back in with her? Let's just say that those relationships are unhealthy and essentially doomed to end in a mess of bitter misery. Needless to say, there's nothing like getting together to share stories, ideas, jokes and (let's not forget) plenty of drinks to kiss a good friend goodbye; now forever lost to the bad-decision abyss.

Rick was full of energy, Luze was full of laughter, and Stacey was full of curiousity. I just sat there, drunk, taking millions of photos to document our last celebration together as roommates.

ART SHOW IS COMING

2009-10-28T14:18:00.004-04:00

FICUS

2009-09-14T14:26:00.010-04:00

A visually appealing indoor houseplant, the ficus comes in many shapes and sizes. Somewhat easy to care for, their difficulty lies in the fact that they like to stay put once you place them in that one particular window inside your home. Any attempt to acclimate the ficus to a new environment will be met with (what seems to be) certain death to said beloved plant. One, in particular, has been with us for nine years and has traveled with us successfully and healthily through six houses. Currently, Fieky appears to be suffering from an unknown affliction, one we decidedly attribute to loneliness. Although it's constantly accompanied by a close friend of seven years (schefflera), I fear the lack of human interaction has left this ficus fig to suffer a grueling depression. Falling leaves and weeping branches. There is no lack of food. There is no lack of water. There is no lack of sunlight. There is only the newly-uncomfortable and indefinite lack of regular human presence. No more talk radio in the mornings. No more music in the evenings. I fear there may be no helping our long time companion, save for the hiring of a stand-in to act regularly as we had in years past.

[images courtesy the internet]

SALT LAMP(oon)

2009-08-24T12:52:00.013-04:00

On a recent trip to Kingston, Ontario we were exposed to a lot of the same general products we see in small town boutiques and antique stores around south eastern Pennsylvania. Gourmet food stores carrying $18 bottles of mustard and $24 boxes of rosemary flavored crackers; female clothing stores offering unknown designer dresses for $300 and contemporary costume jewelry pieces for upwards of 400% of their actual value; antique shops with broken chairs for $95, torn hand-woven welcome mats for $240, and frayed-wire lamps for $120; health food stores peddling fresh herbs & spices, exotically natural lotions and Himalayan salt lamps.

Himalayan salt lamps are generally found to be light orange to burnt ochre. Carved from natural salt crystal, they are generally suitable to fit atop small end tables or window sills and have been hollowed out to accommodate an incandescent bulb & its fixture. Popular for their effusive attractive glow, they are commonly used as nightlights and for those situations requiring "ambient mood lighting". There are known claims of the salt lamps' health-promoting properties (such as the ability to release ions that purify the air), but these postulations have not been substantiated and are, at present, recognized as 'pseudoscience'.

[photos courtesy the author & the internet]

SHAKER VISIT

2009-08-18T14:48:00.026-04:00

I came upon an e-nouncement for the University of Massachusettes today at work. It said, "UMass Amherst and Hancock Shaker Village announce the creation of a New Graduate Degree in Historic Preservation and Design" and I was immediately taken. Having never heard of Hancock in the past, I took it upon myself to do a little research and made the unanimous decision to (very soon) pay a visit to this cultural anomolie in western Mass. Here's what I discovered:

The Shaker Central Ministry closed the Hancock community in 1960 and sold the buildings and surrounding acreage to a group of Shaker enthusiasts, collectors and scholars. First open to the public on July 1, 1961, the village co-operative has restored the grounds & buildings and assembled & cared for their inherited premier Shaker collection. Hancock Shaker Village was designated a National Historic Landmark in 1968 and is accredited by the American Association of Museums.

[photos courtesy the internet]

More specifically, I noticed the unusual circular stone building - a barn built in 1826. Inside the barn there are four rings. The smallest, inner-most room provides ventilation - necessary to help draw the moisture out of the hay to prevent its overheating. The ring second to center is where the hay is stored; tossed in from an upper balcony. The next (third) ring is reserved for the Shaker brothers to be able to distribute the hay in the second ring to the cows standing in the outermost, fourth ring. The barn is constructed to hold up to 70 cows at a time - once in the morning and once in the evening to eat complacently while the Shaker brothers milk them.

INEDIBLE LOCKS

2009-08-13T11:33:00.022-04:00

On a recent trip to Indian Lake, Ontario - in the Thousand Islands region of Canada, we experienced much scenic waterfront beauty and got to see our very first hand-crank wooden lock in action. On the way to our destination, we observed shore fronts that were lined with decaying boathouses, once colorful and steadfast structures that are now slowly descending into their inevitable state of disrepair. Clear water, clear skies and clearly welcoming local inhabitants made this adventure an unforgettable one - one we hope to duplicate in the very near future and one I would recommend to even my worst enemies (if I had any).

[photos and video courtesy the author]

BOAT SHOW

2009-08-10T14:16:00.019-04:00

The South Philadelphia Boat Show was a great success. Many trend-setting folks came out to enjoy the company of other trend-setters in an attempt to celebrate contemporary art and (in this case) its sea-faring theme. There were actual boats, sculptures of boats, photos of boats, paintings & drawings of boats, seashells, sand, really shitty paintings of boats, really shitty interpretations of what one might see from a boat, and more really shitty renderings of shitty things you might not ever even associate with a boat. More than one third of the time, contemporary art is really just a big shit pile. It can be nice to see what we consider "skilled artistic craft" juxtaposed with lazy (obviously unskilled) thrown-together-found-object-shit-pile works because who's to really say what's better than the other? After all, "outsider art" is all the rage these days, right?

[photos courtesy the internet]

I YINKA I'M IN LOVE

2009-08-03T15:05:00.018-04:00

As one of the most talented and practical artists I've become familiar with, Yinka Shonibare has a colorful and compelling way of creatively balancing humor with somewhat disturbing subject matter. "Adopting a richly complex, unconventional approach, Shonibare lampoons the concept of achieving status through what might be called cultural authenticity. His works, simultaneously innocent and subversive, address a range of cultural and historical issues and, in the process, blur the boundaries of design, ethnography, and contemporary art." - Courtesy yinka-shonibare.co.uk.

[photos courtesy the internet]

PEGGED

2009-07-30T09:36:00.014-04:00

There was this one time that Julia said she couldn't remember where she had left her favorite raincoat. She lived in a pretty immense house with four other people and, with all the shuffling about and collective carelessness, no one could remember where they'd left their belongings. It was getting late and she knew she had to get going if she was going to make it to the recital in time, so she left without the slicker and (although they were her closest friends) she ended up regretting the fact that she lived with so many irresponsible individuals. When she returned later that night, the raincoat was hanging over the kitchen chair, dripping wet.

[photos courtesy the internet]

STANDING CAKE

2009-07-28T12:32:00.018-04:00

Can't say I care much for cake, that doesn't mean I don't eat it from time to time. As a matter of fact, I can't stand a lot of cake varieties - but I love a good cake stand. Much like us, they come in infinite shapes and sizes, a majority of which (most unlike us) can be described as elegant, crisp and statuesque. The cake represents just the opposite and only stands to serve one purpose (as far as I'm concerned), that is - a means to the creation of its display-case counterpart.

[photos courtesy the internet]

SHAKE IT UP

2009-07-27T15:25:00.025-04:00

In search for the perfect ingredients that make up a dream house, all things are coming up Shaker. Perfection, it seems, is found in all those little imperfections riddling hand-made furnishings, tools and functional decor. Shaker goods are lousy with millions of (nearly un-noticable) incongruous blemishes and every piece, no matter how similar by appearance, is absolutely unique.

[photos courtesy willis henry]

VOLVO WAGONS

2009-07-23T14:23:00.013-04:00

I'm hanging on to two shitty Volvo 240 station wagons for not other reason than out of sheer laziness. They are of infinite sentimental value, nothing that can't be remembered through photographs and old CD's. I want to get rid of them, but can't bring myself to do it. Do I sell them as scrap for their intrinsic value? Do I donate them to charity? (They would probably be considered more of an inconvenience than a blessing.) Do I put aside monies from each paycheck until I have a pile of $1600 to fix them both? It's probably best to let them rot in my backyard - they do provide a beautiful backdrop to my roommates' urban garden.

BEFORE:

AFTER(current):

[photos courtesy hall of crystals]

ABOUT FALSE FRONT

2009-07-23T13:45:00.005-04:00

FALSE FRONT serves to provide semi-detailed and semi-frequent takes on life and its infinite pleasures. Providing fantastic commentary on real (and imagined) events (and non-events), we will strive to keep creativity flowing through the interjection of occasional posts that keep you smiling.